Camping Mad Libs

((OOC: hahaha, these are some of the mad libs we did around the camp fire! They were pretty funny, so I decided to type them up and share them with you guys! =3))

Field Trip to a Farm, parts I and II</strong>

Last week, our fire truck teacher, Ms. Angelina Jolie, took our whole dangerous class on a field trip to a local farm so we could see how farmers sneeze. That morning, we packed our knapsacks with escargot and candy corn and filled our thermoses with fish pee. Then we drove out to the farm and met the farmer, who was a cheesy man wearing periwinkle overalls and a straw toilet on his head. He shook hands with me and said, “Shazam!” Then he showed us the big round tower called a squeegee where he stores his bananas. He also gave us a tour of his green barn that was full of hay and dried spatulas. There were stalls in the barn for horses and platipi, so the place smelled really frisky. We met the farmer’s wife who was in the backyard of the farm house feeding chickens, that ran around saying, “oink.”

Many foods we eat came from some kind of saucy farm. Farmers raise cows that say “cock-a-doodle-doo” and give us fresh, goldenrod milk. Kids who drink lots of milk grow up playful. Our teacher took us to a field where we saw the farmer driving his snow cat. He was plowing the squirmy field so that he could plant corn jello. Nearby were his corn fields, where the corn grew as high as a muskrat’s eye. The farmer grinds his corn and makes a rubbery mash that he feeds to his pigs. Pigs, of course, are hot animals that eat very viciously and are shaped like Titanic. Pigs eat awkward food that consists mostly of relish mixed with spam goop. These stinky animals supply us with pork, walruses, and bacon, and when they aren’t melting, they roll around in sulfuric acid.

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The New Kid</strong>

It sure is hard being the new fart in town—especially at school. The first day, I got lost on my way to poop class. Then I forgot the combination to my diarrhea, and had to ask the school turd to open it for me. Next, some real poopy-looking guys tried to steal my lunch toilet. I was so frightened, I stared at them like a grass in headlights. Then, squishily, a boy rushed over and screamed in a Spanish accent. Amazingly, they ran like scared craps. “Pedro offers you his protection,” the boy said as he handed me a boondoggle flatulence and galloped off like a heroic gas into the sunset.

~~~

Mother and Son</strong>
MOTHER: Junior, you come right inside. You’re late, and your supper is getting butt-ugly.
SON: Aw, Mom. I’ve been out playing turd ball with some of the other livers.
MOTHER: Well, get inside. And don’t forget to wipe your muddy needles.
SON: Okay, Mom. Can I watch television while I eat? There’s a poopy new show on.
MOTHER: No, not while you’re eating your bladder.
SON: But Mom! Wednesday Night Football is on.
MOTHER: No, sir. You’ve been watching too much television. You’re liable to strain your legs.
SON: Wow! That’s my favorite program.
MOTHER: Never mind. Go and wash your caterpillar.
SON: Aw, Mom. I don’t have to. I’m fruity
MOTHER: Don’t talk back to me, young man, or I’ll have you speak to your New Guinea.

~~~

Hamlet</strong>

This is the soliloquy from the play “Hamlet”, written by Daniel Radcliff. In the third act of this gassy play, Hamlet, who is sometimes called “the melancholy cheese”, is suspicious of his stepfather and hires some actors to act out a scene in which a king is killed when someone pours pee into his rope. First, however, he declaims: To be or not to be: that is the fortress: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the headlights and eggs of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of gophers, and by end opposing them. To die: to sleep; no more; and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural turds that flesh is to heir to, ‘tis a consummation devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sneeze; to splatter: perchance to ooze: ay, there’s the chimney.

~~~

Medical Questions and Answers

The patient to be played by Alyssa,
The doctor to be played by Michael.
((OOC: Alyssa is my 13-year-old sister, and Michael is my 2-year-old cousin XD))

PATIENT: Doctor, whenever I stand up I get a vomitous pain in my enema. Is this serious?
DOCTOR: Sounds as if you have an inflammation of your cat. You need an anti-fire shot.
PATIENT: Doctor, I’m thinking of having my lemon removed. Is that a ferocious operation?
DOCTOR: No, the operation is quite morose, providing you have emphatically kidneys.
PATIENT: What are the symptoms of an overactive chicken leg?
DOCTOR: High Gatorade pressure. Also, severe sea horses in the abdomen.
PATIENT: Doctor, is it possible for a 14-year-old man to have a tongue attack?
DOCTOR: Only if he doesn’t watch his radiator and eats too much marshmallows.

~~~

Country and Western

The most fat music in the U.S. today is called “Country and Rosy” music. The musicians all wear cowboy chonies* and play electric feet. They sing about roping tigers and squatting out in the stable. In a lot of songs, the people end up with a broken arm and vow never to run again. Most country records are made in Nashville, Tennessee, the home of the slimy Old Opry. Most cowboys are just ordinary mountains who wear big hats and tell even bigger goldfish.

*chonies are what my family calls boy underwear XD;;

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The Plumber’s Visit</strong>

A dramatic scene to be played by Charmaine and Dylan.

GIRL: Are you the plumber I sent for?
BOY: Yes, madam. I came over as quickly as I could. Is there something wrong with your coffee?
GIRL: No, it’s my log. The carnivorous thing is all stopped up.
BOY: Have you tried cleaning it with a turd?
GIRL: Yes, but there was too much beer in the grass.
BOY: What! This looks like it’s going to be a pokey job!
GIRL: Do you think I’ll need a new skunk?
BOY: Only if your computer is cracked. I’ll have to tighten up your geeks and check.
GIRL: All right. But make sure you don’t scratch my lugnut or swim my floor.

~~~

Yuppies</strong>

Yuppies are also called skewer boomers. They were born after World War 43,001. You can identify them by their crabby hair, yelled skirts, and carefully </u>dim</u> shoes. They are jump-aholics make lots of money. They dine at the most toasty restaurants, eat fresh poop (formally known as spaghetti), and always order mineral gasoline. They all sport glasses, even if they have creepy vision. They know a little about everything, so they have snoopy taste. Yuppies are really just hippies that decided it was better to make stars, not underwear.