HHYSIAH- day 1

(Author’s note: Yeah, so this is quite cracked-out. You might not understand many of the jokes, unless you’ve read all of Spirit’s mad crazy 1 a.m. journals. If you have read all the mad crazy journals…well, there are things wrong with you. Right now Spirit and I have agreed that posting this under her name is probably a better way to give it to the general public, but future chapters may be posted under mine. Also, sorry if some of it is mental; I typed this on my new laptop, and I’m still not used to it yet.



Happy Reading!

~Michi (Michiko-laughs) )



HA HA, YOU’RE STUCK IN A HOUSE!



FMA version



            Day 1



Hakuro: Hello, and welcome to ‘Ha ha, you’re stuck in a house’!



Hoenheim: Hakuro and I learned to speak English just for this show!



Hakuro: We’re almost Royai!



Hoho:…………. You mean ‘fluent’.



Hakuro: That’s what  I said!



Hoho:……………….anyway, we’re going to shove 16 people into a house to see how they cope. Some will get voted off, and some may die.



Hakuro: Meet the cast!



Michelle (Michi)

Ashley (Spirit)

Ed

Al

Winry

Riza

Roy

Fürher Bradley

Frank Archer

Scar

Izumi

Armstrong

Rose

Envy

Hughes

Barry the Chopper



Hoho: AND ONLY ONE BATHROOM!



Hakuro: …….Royai.



*they all enter the room*



Roy: Fürher Bradley, sir, I didn’t know you’d be here! *salutes*



Bradley: …………I brought SCOTCH!!



Roy:…………………huh?



Bradley: LOTS. OF SCOTCH.



Roy: ………………ok, that’s n-



Bradley: I’m a hobag, Roy. It’s what I do.



Ed: BASTARD MUSTANG! What the HELL are you doing here with half the military?



Archer: *slithers up* Hello…



Michelle: Why?



Ashley: ‘cuz Ed said so.



Ed: I DID NOT!



Hughes: Anyone wanna see a picture?



All: NO!!



Barry: Hello Missy, can I chop you up?



Riza: No, Barry. No.



Barry: Please?



Roy: Urge….to kill….rising…



Scar: HAIL ISHBALA!



Hakuro: Ok, so you’ve all met. Time to get you sorted into rooms.



Winry: Male and Female dorms, right?



Hoho: noooooo, my future daughter-in-law, nooooooo.



Winry: I’m not-



Hoho: Yes.



Hakuro: Ok, so room 1 will be Fürher Bradley, Archer, and Royai-



Riza: We’re SEPARATE PEOPLE!



Hakuro: GO HAVE SEX! Anyway, Room 2 will be Scar, Izumi, Armstrong, and Ed. Room 3 will be Michelle, Ashley, Al, and Winry. Room 4 will be Rose, Envy, Hughes, and Barry.



Envy: I am not a man.



Hughes:……um.



Envy: I am not a woman, either.



Rose: Oh god…..



Hughes: *cries*



Riza: Why am I in a room with all these men?



Hakuro: So that during the night, you and Roy can-



Riza: WHY AM I HERE?



Hakuro: ROYAI!



Riza: AARGH!



Bradley: I claim the closet!



Roy: For what?



Bradley: My SCOTCH.



Ed: why the HELL-



Izumi: *grabs Ed by the collar* YOU WERE CONTEMPLATING HUMAN TRANSMUTATION, WEREN’T YOU?!!



Ed: Why me? Why?



Scar: I WILL KIL YOU IN THE NIGHT, BITCH!



Ed:…………….*cries*



Armstrong: *leer*



Hoho: Now this is where I draw the line! Edward is saving himself for Winry!



Ed: I am?



Winry: He is?



Hoho: yes.



Ed: If it’ll save me from being buttraped by Armstrong, then sure, why not?



Armstrong: *slumps off*



Winry: Yaay, Al; we’re in the same room!



Ashley: Us too! *group hug*



Ed: Life really sucks.



Hoho: EVERYONE TO YOUR ROOMS TO UNPACK!



Hakuro: AND HAVE SEX!



Armstrong: *leer*



Hakuro: uhhhh



Hoho: BAD ARMSTRONG! *slap*



Roy: Sucks to be you, FullMetal!



Ed: *cries*



*in room 1*



Riza: OK, so I get the bed nearest the door in case I need to run away in the middle of the night.



Bradley: I get to sleep next to Roy *leer*



Roy: Personal space! For the love of God, personal space!



Archer: *slithers around, looking for rodents*



Riza: ………………..*pulls out gun*



*in room 2*



Ed: *sits on bed*



Armstrong: *sits on bed next to it*



Ed: *moves to bed across the room*



Armstrong: *moves to bed next to Ed*



Ed: Oooohgoooooddddd……



Izumi: STOP CONSIDERING HUMAN TRANSMUTATION! *slap*



Scar: *hangs up a ‘hail Ishbala’ poster* Nifty.



Izumi: IS THAT A TRANSMUTATION CIRCLE FOR HUMAN TRANSMUTATION?! THE DEAD CANNOT BE BROUGHT BACK! *beat*



*in room 3*



Michelle:…………



Ashley:………. Oh god.



Michelle: We should paint this room purple like the sun!



Al:………but-



Ashey: Just. Let it go.



Winry: but the sun-



Michelle: IS PURPLE!



Ashley: this room needs some decoration. *covers it in FMA merchendise* There.



Michelle:…………….why?



Ashley: ‘cuz Ed said so.



Michelle: Ed’s too busy trying not to get raped.



Winry: How do you know?



Michelle: I know everything.



Winry: Really?



Michelle: Really. Ish.



Ashley:…..skanks.



Winry: WRENCH TIME!!!



Ashley: OH GOD!



*in room 4*



*Hughes is showing Rose pictures of Elicia, and Barry is chopping up his bed*



Envy: I’m bored.



*no one cares*



Envy: *runs off to be evil*



*in the hallway*



*Roy is walking along innocently. Er, or at least as innocently as it is possible for Roy to walk, that is.*



Riza: *in lingerie* Helloooo, Roy.



Roy: *GUSHING NOSEBLEED* er-



Hakuro: Royai? But where’s the desk? The mahogany desk.



Riza: We need no desks.



Roy: No. Definitely not.



*Riza –er, another one- walks up behind him*



Riza 2: Dammit, Envy!



Envy: *changes back into his hermaphrodite self* MWAHAHA! *sprints off*



All:…………..



Hakuro: Now have sex. Do it.



*In room 2*



Ed: *scoots away*



Armstrong: *scoots closer*



Izumi: *to a bug on the floor* WERE YOU ATTEMPTING HUMAN TRANSMUTATION!? YOU WHORE; I’LL KILL YOU! *squashes bug*



Hakuro: could all cast members come to the Royai, please?



Hoho: You mean ‘front room’.



Hakuro: That’s what I said!



*In the front room*



Hoho: Ok, house, your first task is to ……deliver Rose’s baby!



All:………………



Riza: But she’s not having her baby.



*Rose goes into labor*



*All hell breaks loose*



Envy: OHMAIGAWD!!!



Ashley and Michelle: *run off to avoid this scene, as they know how it will end*



Bradley: Bah, humans. We homunculi don’t reproduce.



Izumi: *cries and leaves*



Hughes: ZOMG!!! *runs around and is useless*



Ed: I’ll go boil water!



Al: I’ll help!



Barry: Can I chop the baby up?



Riza: No.



Barry: How about Rose? Can I chop her up?



Riza: *sigh* no.



Winry: *slaps on gloves* Stand back, ho’s, and let me do it!



*twelve and a half minutes later*



Winry: Baby delivered!



Archer: Here, I’ll go clean him up

.

Winry: Ok. *gives him the baby*



Archer: *slithers off*



Winry:……..that was…………unusual.



Bradley: You shouldn’t have done that.



Winry: ……….why?



Bradley: He eats babies.



Winry: What the hell?!



*they dash into the kitchen*



Winry: OH MY GOD!



*Archer unhinges his jaw and stuffs the baby in his mouth*



Winry: Bad! Spit it out!



Archer: *swallows baby and slithers off*



Winry: Dammit!



Ed: Ok, the water’s boiled!



Winry:……..idiot.



Ed: What?



Winry: Rose already had her baby, and Frank archer already ate it.



Ed:…..what the hell?



Hoho: Now snog. Do it. I want grandchildren!



*Winry and Ed ignore him*



*In the front room*



Archer: Helloooooo, Rose.



Rose:…………..



Archer: I was thinking, maybe we could go out sometime?



Rose:………



Archer:……..



Rose: You just ate my baby, you bastard!



Envy:………………….I am a turtle!



Hakuro: WHY IS THERE NO SEX?! Where is the Royai, anyway?



*In room 1*



Roy: *clears throat* You know, First Lieutenant, you look very nice today.



Riza: Oh, thank you sir. So do you.



Roy: Uhmmm.. There’s sort of something I’ve been meaning to tell you.



Riza: Really, sir?



Roy: Yes. For a long time now. *grabs her hands* You truly are a wonderful woman, lieutenant, and I-



*They are interrupted by a loud screeching, as a very naked Edward Elric runs past*



Ed: FEAR THE MARCHING NEMATOADS!!! AHHH! AHAHAHAHAHA, WHEEEEEEEE!



Roy: What the f-



Ed: WHEEEE!



Riza: Oh dear lord, what happened?



Scar: I swear I had nothing to do with this! *Flee*



Roy: Al, what happened?



Al: Brother found some acid hidden under a floorboard.



Roy: Aw crap. What now, hosts?



Hakuro: *is too busy ripping his scalp off to reply*



Hoho: We wait for him to become sober again. Then he will give me grandchildren!



Hakuro: SO…..CLOSE!!! I CAN SMELL THE ROYAI!!!



Royai: Errrr…



Hakuro: YOU CAN STILL SNOG!!! DO IT!!!



Riza: …………….



*That night*



*everyone is asleep*



*In room 1*



Bradley: *slinks up to Roy’s bed*



Roy: *snore*



Bradley: I am eeevil, Roy, I am eeevil!!!



Roy: Mmm, Riza, you look so smexy in that miniskirt….



Bradley: I am disturbed, Roy, I am disturbed! *slinks off to the closet to drink scotch*



*in the kitchen*



Scar: I need some Crystal Light. *pours stuff n water bottle* POWERS OF ISHBALA!!!



Michelle:…………….



Scar:………….



Michelle:You use the powers of Ishbala to shake up crystal light too?



Scar: Doesn’t everyone?



Michelle: *pours Crystal Light into a bottle*



Scar & Michelle: POWERS OF ISHBALA!!!



*in room 2*



Ed: *is lying awake, staring at the ceiling*



Armstrong: *is lying awake, staring at Ed*



Ed: *whimper*



*In room 1*



Hakuro: *moves things. Or people.* Royai is a very heavy sleeper….



-End Day 1-